Published in 1995, this book is the precursor to this age of "wokefullness". It uses such words as: persun, womyn, womman, s/he, and herstory. At the beginning of the book is an update of the poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas", called "'Twas the Night Before Solstice". Some lines include: Or choosing a tree just to murder and stump it/ And dress it all up like a seasonal strumpet...I saw there below through the murk of the night/ A sleigh and eight reindeer of nonstandard height./ At the reins of that sleigh sat a mean-hearted knave/ Who treated each deer like his personal slave./ I'd seen him before in some ads for car loans,/ Plus fast food and soft drinks and cellular phones...His clothes were all covered with soot, but of course,/ From our wood-fueled alternative energy source./ Through the grime I distinguished the make of his duds--/ He was dressed all in fur, fairly dripping with blood. The poem is delightfully funny in a new and fresh way.
Garner also adapts Frosty the Persun of Snow, which is about the dangers of global warming, The Nutcracker, Rudolph the Nasally Empowered Reindeer, who is a union leader, and A Christmas Carol, which is the longest as it is separated into sections for the different ghosts. The ebook version of this book has an extra two stories, "Santa's Ashes", a parody of "Angela's Ashes" that tells the story of Santa's ghetto childhood, "Jerry's Last Ride", which is a sweet Christmas story, and "Honk Honk, My Darling: A Rex Koko, Private Clown Mystery. The book is only around a hundred pages, but it is worth reading as it pokes fun at a PC culture and rewrites beloved Christmas stories in a way that makes the holidays festive.
Quote
The happy childhood isn't much worth talking about. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish childhood at the North Pole.
James Finn Garner ("Santa's Ashes")
The hardcover book is priced at $13.99, and the Kindle edition is available for $2.99 on Amazon.
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