Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions by Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Colbert about once a week or so, like the good Catholic that he is, wishes to confess his sins. Well, these are not necessarily sins, but he does feel bad about them.  The book is broken up into three sections: the ones he wrote, the ones that God wrote, and the ones submitted by those who watch the show.

Here are some of his:

I have violent thoughts when people use the terms "sci-fi" and "fantasy" interchangeably.  "Oh, I love science fiction. I just read Lord of the Rings." I will end you.

I update my iPhone software way more often than I call my sister.

I have a fair amount of gay friends, but sometimes....I worry that I haven't made enough gay enemies.

I have impure thoughts about the Land O'Lakes Butter Lady. But mostly about the butter.

I wouldn't hurt a fly. But when it comes to mosquitoes, I am one sick some of a bitch.

I haven't looked in my refrigerator's crisper since 1987. I can hear the brussels sprouts screaming.

I have no skeletons in my closet. They're buried under the porch.

One of the wise men in my Nativity scene broke, and instead of buying a new one, I replaced him with Lego Batman.

Here are some sent it:

I park my car between 2 trucks in the parking lot so drivers will think they found an open spot until the last moment.

Sometimes I fake an orgasm so my roommates don't suspect I'm in my room scrapbooking.

I've never told anyone this before, but I have no idea how plastic wrap works.


Overall this is a hilarious book and one worth reading.  I cannot recommend it enough.

Link to Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Stephen-Colberts-Midnight-Confessions-Colbert-ebook/dp/B06ZZHMYSN/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507810593&sr=8-1&keywords=stephen+colbert%27s+midnight+confessions