As a former librarian I found myself, quite often, laughing out loud at some of these stories, both because they brought back memories and because it made me realize I had sadly not had the ability to continue to work as a librarian and experience more stories. The author, in true library fashion, orders the chapters in the Dewey Decimal System. The chapter titles are: Computers, Reference Work, Reading Interests and Habits, Curiosities and Wonders, Listening In, Communication, Failures and Disruptions of, Bullying, Rare Birds, Human Anatomy, Telephones, Children's Humor, and Volumes of Gratitude.
In the first chapter, Computers, what is the reply to the question "I keep getting the blue screen of death"? "Sir, that's the desktop". Another man keeps coming up to the desk asking tons of questions, including: How do I make the computer like a typewriter?; There are red squiggly lines under everything I type.; Now I want to make a website. Do I just get the framework up ...using the typewriter function?; Maybe you could help me make a website. I have about an hour. Another man wants them to disable Google because they are "taking over the United States". One librarian was helping a patron upload his resume for a job application from a flash drive. When she asks him which job is applying for, he says, "all the jobs on the Internet".
In the chapter "Reading Interests and Habits" here are some of the book titles patrons have requested: Fifty Shades of Grey's Anatomy, How to Kill a Mockingbird, The Diary of Aunt Frank, Lord of the Flies by Tolkien, The Hungry Games, and The Lively Bones. A woman expresses her disinterest in e-books, claiming they will be the death of libraries. When the librarian informs her the library has e-books, she replies, "aren't they invisible?". In the chapter, Curiosities and Wonders, one person comes in looking for the margarita machine, which, honestly, would have been nice to have at my library.
A conversation overheard between a young woman showing her mother how to search for items at the library: Mother: There are almost three thousand movies to choose from? Daughter: Well, movies and TV shows. Mother: So are you saying that the library is now the video store? Daughter: Among other things. Mother: Who else knows about this?. A seventy-year-old man tells his wife, "I think we really should do the Facebook. Art and Frieda are doing it. We don't want to be the only ones left." A conversation between one parent and another in the children's room: Parent 1: Do you ever hide books you've read over and over again because you're so sick of them? Parent 2: Oh, definitely. When they ask for them, I say the book fairy came to get it. One time they saw one of the books at the library so now they think the librarians are the book fairies. One of my personal favorite lines in this book from a patron who says "It's too cold in here. What is wrong with you people? Do you like frozen books?" I wore a sweater jacket year round at the library.
But my absolute favorite is the one on a librarian putting up a display for Banned Books Week, which is something I did when I worked. Librarian: I'm making a display about books that people complained about. They wanted them removed from the library. Girl: Why? Librarian: Because they didn't like what the books were about and didn't want anyone else to read them, either...Can you imagine what would happen if every person could choose one book to remove from the library forever? Girl: There wouldn't be any books left on the shelves. Librarian: That's right! It wouldn't really look like a library anymore, would it? Girl: We are learning about bullying at school. It sounds like even libraries get bullied sometimes.
I do not think that there can ever be enough books about anything and I say that knowing that some of them are going to be about Pilates.The more knowledge the better seems like a solid rule of thumb, even though I have watched enough science fiction films to accept that humanity’s unchecked pursuit of learning will end with robots taking over the world.-Sarah Vowell